The Monsters At The Table

Halloween is supposed to be scary. But we all know the true horror isn’t a haunted house, it’s sitting down out of position against a guy who hasn't found the fold button since 2018.

Forget ghosts. Let’s talk about table dynamics and the actual monsters in the lobby.

First is The Zombie, your classic calling station. They have no pulse, no read on the board texture, and no functioning brain activity. They’ll drag bottom pair to the river and miraculously hit a two-outer to eat your stack. You can't bluff them because they don't experience fear. Just value bet them relentlessly.

Then there’s The Vampire; the nit who sits in the shadows for hours just waiting for pocket aces. They drain the life out of the game through agonizingly long tanking. Steal their blinds relentlessly, but if they suddenly wake up and 3-bet, just fold. They aren't bluffing; they have the nuts and want your blood.

Proper game selection is basically survival horror. Don't sit at a table full of regulars when there's a perfectly good table of Zombies waiting one click over. If you sit down, look around, and can't figure out who the monster is... it’s probably you.

Happy Halloween. May your pocket pairs survive the night.